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DK Simoneau often receives questions on how to handle situations.  She addresses readers questions about shared custody, parenting, and split family living situations.  To submit a question, please use the form below.

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October 8, 2014
Daughter doesn't like who I've now been dating for 5 years.

DK:

I been divorce for 8 years I have a new relationship for almost 5 years all of the sudden my daugther told me that she does not like him because he is stoping from her dad and I getting together please help me. JQ

Hi JQ.
Wow..........you have been dating this man for 5 years?? OK, well I am not a child psychologist or anything, but I do understand that kids love to test boundaries and see how far they can push. Assuming that there is really nothing wrong with your new relationship (there is no kind of verbal, physical abuse etc. going on with you or your daughter, and if there is, then you need to deal with those issues asap), then for whatever reason your daughter has decided this is they way to try to get your attention. Some kids pierce their nose, some get into drugs, some steel, some start lashing out. Your daughter has taken the lashing out approach, which is probably good. I would recommend you sit down with your daughter and have a heart to heart talk. You listen to everything she has to say, and acknowledge her feelings. But then you need to explain to her that while you respect her feelings for her Dad, you do not share them. Explain that even if Mr. new relationship went away tomorrow, that her Dad and you are not a good fit, and you would not be reconciling. Explain to her that there were plenty of good things that came out of that relationship, the big one being her, but that it is over. Then come up with a broken record phrase, something like, "I understand you wish that Dad and I could be together, and I'm sorry, but that doesn't work for me," And every single time she brings it up, do not go into any discussion, just keep repeating that broken record phrase. Do not engage into any further discussion. Repeat the phrase, repeat the phrase. Eventually she will stop (and likely move onto something else!)
Hope that helps!
DK



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